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I can’t remember all of the things I craved with Lily. The items that are ringing alarm bells during my pregnancy with her were cheeseburgers and slurpees.

This pregnancy has been totally different, cravings wise. I’ve been eating so much better this time around (mostly) and even craving healthy things. Not just “I guess I should eat a bowl of oatmeal instead of six handfuls of Skittles..” but actually wanting to eat better. For the most part. I haven’t turned all Jillian Michaels, that’s for sure.

Plus in the back of my mind is this little pregnant troll whispering “Second baby….getting older..metabolism….your thighs, for the love of god think of your thighs…”

Most of the time, the troll wins. Other times I suffocate her with old Halloween candy and gravy.

Here are the Top Ten Pregnancy Cravings I’ve had this time around.

10. Salad. Starting off the list on a DULL note, but seriously, I’ve never eaten this much salad in my life. Usually spinach or lettuce expires in the back of our fridge and is half liquid by the time I remember we have it, but the past nine months has had me eating more greens than Alicia Silverstone. Although I won’t be feeding my baby like she does. Bazinga.

9. Cheese. I want it’s melty goodness on everything. Old cheddar, mozzarella, Cheez Whiz, cheese slices… Whatever. I’ll take it and melt it on something.

8. Grapefruit. I don’t crave these anymore, but during my second trimester I ate so many of these things I would have cankersores on my tongue from the mass amount of citrus I was investing. My record was four in one day, eight halves. I refuse to talk about how much diarrhea I had that evening, so don’t bother emailing me. I know you want to know, but grow up.

7. Pizza pops. I ate so many of these things in high school and during my single years days that I didn’t think I’d ever want them again. Then I strolled past them one day and it was like a paranormal force from my baby bump brought me over to the freezer section in the grocery store, and I loaded up. A lot. And may or may not have hid the evidence from my husband. Although they do not taste the same as they used to (whenever the box says “new ingredients, same taste!” you will be heartbroken), they definitely filled the craving gaps many, many times.

6. Yogurt. BORING, I know, but the troll won this craving. Dumb troll.

5. Chips. I don’t know what kind of magical ingredient/chemical is in chips, but they helped my morning sickness. Not the bad bad BAD morning sickness when nothing helped, but the mediocre morning sickness that was persistent through the end of the first trimester. Ok, who the fug am I kidding, I still crave chips and eat them often. All chips. I do not discriminate.

4. Tomato juice / Clamato juice. With tons of pepper and a dash of salt. I don’t know if my body needed sodium or lycopene or what but I drank something tomato-y everyday for a couple weeks. Actually, I think I was craving Cesar’s. Mmmm, booze.

3. Popsicles. Pretty sure there was a few weeks where I ate Popsicles at an extremely unhealthy rate. Their crunchy, sweet goodness was no match for the troll, and I still have a stash in my freezer. Plus, it’s summer. It’s illegal where I live for it to be summer and for anyone to be popsicle-less.

2. Beans. This is a new one, and probably the one that causes the most “WTF is that smell?!” outbursts in our home. Oh beans, you are so good and small and brown, i like to buy you maple flavored and enjoy your mushy amazingness. Side dish or entree, you are full of fibre and love. Add some cut up hot dogs and I’ll take my top off for you.

1. And the number one craving I have had throughout this pregnancy and which has not ended- Burnt Bagels. No, that isn’t a brand name. I put bagels in the toaster and burn the shit out of them, then slather them with butter and top off with cheese. Obviously. Although if I don’t have cheese (Hahahahaha) I will still indulge. I prefer burnt sesame seed bagels but will eat any type of bagel, any brand, any day.

What do/did YOU crave? And don’t give me that “There’s no such thing as pregnancy cravings!” bull. Or I will find you, and I will kill you. And steal your bagels.