True love is : going to a gas station at ten pm at night to fill up the car so your husband can get to work the next morning, and you buy three Mars bars (one for yourself to eat, one for your husband to eat, and one for your husband to take in his lunch), and then waking up the next day to see that your husband has left his Mars bar on the counter for you, his amazing pregnant wife, to enjoy instead.

You better believe I gobbled that shit up for my breakfast dessert.

22 weeks pregnant and I feel awesome. The second trimester rules. You’re not barfing up regurgitated lettuce or BBQ chips (FYI, puking up chips is like puking up freshly mixed cement that is just about set), but you’re not so huge that your knocking books or vases off of tables with your enormous protruding belly.

This past week I have been craving : bagels with cheese, Popsicles, salad, oranges, cucumbers and generally any food within sight. I am a hungry beast. I told Dustin “If there is something even remotely yummy that you’re interested in eating, YOU BETTER EAT IT QUICKLY. Or else I will.”

This is not a joke.

Baby is kicking a lot. And I think it keeps kicking my bladder because I have millisecond sensations of OMGIMGONNAPEEMYSELF and then it’s gone. And sometimes I think it also kicks my cervix because I will also get sensations that can only be described as LIGHTENING BOLTS TO THE VAGINA!!!! and then it disappears.

Pregnancy is weird.

I have another (my fourth) ultrasound on Friday. I get more than the average bear because my body didn’t get the “don’t do this while pregnant” memo. . I’m nervous because I want to see the baby on the screen but at the same time I don’t want to see the babies junk. And baby is going to be huge now, nearly a foot long. And junk may very well be prominently displayed. We really want it to be a surprise. So I’m going to make sure the ultrasound tech knows that if she reveals the baby’s sex to us, she will need to sleep with one eye open for forever and ever, amen.

Bring on the bagels, I haven’t eaten in two hours.