This week I am in my twentieth week of pregnancy, which
means I am at the halfway mark.

Um, what??? HALFWAY? Halfway to having a newborn? Let the panic ensue.

Actually, I feel pretty chill about everything. I’ve gone through this having a newborn thing before, and it wasnt that long ago, so everything is still fairly fresh in my mind. I think.

If I had to give my First Time Mom self some pointers, this is what I would say.

1. Babies cry. Get over it.
2. Take the help that is offered, brain genius.
3. Random people will give you advice. Sometimes, even people without kids. When this happens, tune them out and picture Snooki and Deena in the inflatable boat. SHARK?! GET REAL.
4. You cannot do everything. I know it sucks but seriously. Come on. Let’s have some champagne.
5. You are doing the best you can and it’s AWESOME. Need proof? Watch Jenelle on Teen Mom 2 for thirty seconds.

I think Lily is quite excited to become a big sister. She keeps poking her fingers into the deep abyss of my belly button saying “My sister brudder is growing in there!”. Although lets pray to everything that is holy it will not be a sister brother.

At twenty weeks, my little bean is the size of a banana. Or, a size 6 Prada pump. He or she is weighing in at nearly a pound and apparently can recognize my voice when I yell “Dustin, you ate the last €£+^&@$! bagel!”.

I’m feeling more kicks lately, and cannot wait to start using my newest iPhone app. It’s called My Baby’s Beat and by 30 weeks I should be able to just plug in my headphones on my iPhone and use it like a Doppler. Awesomeness for only $3.99. It works, I tried it on my preggo friend and she was so excited she leaked urine everywhere. Kidding. Maybe.

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20 weeks pregnant. Don’t mind the hair. I’m trying something I found on Pinterest that probably should have turned out nothing like this.

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