So far, so good. No projectile puking. Just very sore boobs and a desire for pizza pops. I know, right? Who eats that shit anymore? Pregnant women. That’s who.
My first prenatal appointment is this week. I’m PSYCHED to have people checking out my vag again because THAT IS ALWAYS TONS OF FUN. Also, I have to go for blood work in the morning, so I should probably put this giant bag of jujubes out of my reach.
I’ve been feeling some major guilt lately. Sadface. I’m pretty sure its just THE HORMONES but I feel guilty that I am excited for this baby while I sit in a chair trying not to puke while Lily is watching some Disney movie on repeat. I’m in the early days with this pregnancy but I already feel like I’m failing her somehow by being exhausted and nauseous and wanting to do nothing except be horizontal on the couch with my fuzzy blanket. I worry that I’m not giving her enough of everything, and I worry that when the new baby comes I wont be able to giver her 100% of me 100% of the time. And this makes me really sad.
I also feel guilty while I browse online for awesome nursery stuffs. I feel like I shouldn’t be spending any time or money of thoughts on anyone except her. I feel guilty for buying things that I didn’t think when I was pregnant with Lily, and attempting to design a beautiful room that isn’t for her.
Sometimes I wonder how I will be able to love another child like my daughter. I’m hoping my heart will automatically grow like the Grinch and we will be singing DAVOO DOORAY DAVOO DOORAY and everyone will be happy and loving each other and magical and there will be tons of love to go around.
I also feel like a giant piece of shit for complaining about how nauseous I am, how sore my back is, and how I have restless legs every damn night and can’t fall asleep until 3am. I hate being hungry but feeling like I’m going to vomit hot lava. And it feels like I am going to vomit hot lava all the time. Yay heartburn, you nasty ho. I hate how whenever Dustin has a beer I can smell it twenty minutes before he gets home, and the smell is enough to make me want to tell him to sleep on the couch. Or the in the garage. Or in his truck. I hate it because despite all this bitching, I really am THRILLED to be pregnant. THRILLED. But the symptoms? Seriously. I’m so over them. They are dumb and I hate them. And i really am trying to stay positive and be happy and thankful and count my blessings because I know I am lucky. But some days are just..well, bad days.
On another depressing-ass note: Van Houtte is NOT offering Candy Cane K Cups this holiday season. Pardon me? Who said you could do this, Mr Van Houtte? Do you not realize this was THE only good thing about winter? You were, like, THE ONLY dude who made a fantastic, pepperminty coffee, and now you’ve gone and thrown it all away for “Winter Carnival” and “White Chocolate Mint”.
I mean, the new holiday ones are still tasty. But seriously. Bring back the Candy Cane. Don’t make me start a Facebook support page.