Ok, this very well may be THE single-handed IMPORTANT thing in our house. THE SACRED (FULL) WATER JUG.
VISUALIZE SOME HALOS AND PRETEND YOU CAN HEAR TRUMPETS AND PEOPLE GOING “AHHHHHH!!” SUPER DRAMATICALLY LIKE THEY DO IN MOVIES WHERE GOD SHOWS UP.
Filling up (or rather, forgetting to fill up) the fucking water jug has caused at least a few tense moments around the house, and sometimes can amplify a perfectly normal situation. Like when I go and buy something Dustin thinks is a waste of money (he thinks everything I buy is a waste of money..) and he’s all in a mood, and then he goes to get some water and someone has forgotten to fill it up. Again. For the third time that day.
After a situation like the one mentioned above, committing the crime of not filling up the jug is multiplied by one million times ten.
Apparently, this is a HUGE deal to some people. Frankly, I don’t care, I have other pressing matters to address. I’m a huge deal.
But Dustin is passionate about near sub-zero temperature water, and it must be on hand at all time. ALL TIMES.
IT SHALL BE WRITTEN THAT if you come to our house and empty the jug AND forget to fill it, you’re gonna get it. And you don’t even know it. Except now you kinda do.
Dustin has even gone as far as to VANDALIZE the water jug. Seriously, he’s lucky I didn’t call the police.
Pre Marital Lessons, Number 2: Try to remember to always fill the jug of water. Think of ways to turn it into a manipulative compromise that will work in your favour, like: You’ll remember to fill the jug if he doesn’t get mad when you shop.