When I was a younger, I used to wonder what I would be when I grew up. I used to try and see myself in the future as a doctor, a vet, a lawyer, a fireman, a librarian, anything, something.
My mother used to tell me “Try to turn whatever you love doing into a career.” Great idea! I will sit around all day drinking coffee and reading.
The past few months I have been working and making a a few bucks as a photographer. I’ve always loved taking pictures. There’s something about looking through a lens at an object or a person, thinking, “Nobody is seeing this how I see it right now.” I love the intimacy of photographing a newborn baby, a family, or a couple. I like when they look at the camera with a huge smile, and I don’t take a picture. Instead they look unsure for a few moments, maybe steal a brief side glance, and snap. I’ve captured a bit of uncertainty. I’ve captured a feeling.I like catching clients in a whisper, or capturing a newborn looking around for it’s mama. I like photographing children as they disobey, or giggle at their own toes. I like capturing realness. I like capturing a memory or a feeling.
In the past few weeks I’ve been wondering “What took me so long? Why did I wait to do this?” Perhaps fear of failure, fear of being so exposed and getting the word out there, fear of people laughing or thinking “She’ll never make it.” I’m so glad that I pushed all that ridiculousness aside and took a chance.
I recently did a maternity photography shoot. It was one of the most intimate moments of my life, even though I was involved in a third party respect. I was snapping pictures of the mama and the daddy looking so in love and their hands were on the mom’s belly. And I could feel it. That feeling I felt with Dustin when everything was silent, and we just felt in awe of everything, in awe of this beautiful creature who would emerge, who was growing inside me, who would change our lives. I felt that again with this couple. I could feel their tenderness towards each other, the love that they felt and the intimacy of the moment. I actually teared up taking their picture at one point, they were quiet and just enjoying their arms wrapped around each other and hands entwined in one another. It felt like I had woken up in a bed with them on a Saturday morning, like I was in on this beautiful scripted moment, sans orgy. And then I let it slip, almost a whisper. “You guys are so cute.”
And they laughed. They scrunched up their noses and laughed. And I took their pictures. And I captured that moment, not knowing who it was more important too; the clients, or myself.
For the first time in my life, I love my job. I love giving something, a moment as I see it, to someone.