Dear Dollars for Gold;
Leave me alone already! I don’t have any fucking scrap gold or broken jewelry kicking around that I want to send you for twenty bucks, okay? The TV commercials are bad enough but now I’m getting emails from you every few seconds. Burn for eternity, Dollars For Gold.
I hate how your commercial comes on every six minutes. You hire shitty actors. Nobody takes cruises and trips with their “scrap gold.”
Let me just open my over flowing jewelry box and send some items to you through the mail. These seems safe and legitimate I am sure to get hundreds from you! BORA BORA HERE I COME! This antique, trashed, broken heirloom necklace from Aunt Gladys? Fuck it, I’m going to Vegas!

Seriously.

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