For the most part of my younger years, I grew up in a town where everybody knew what you ate for lunch, what color your bedroom walls were and EVERYTHING else about you. Gossip ran thick, friendships were torn apart and rebuilt in nanoseconds, your best friend dated your boyfriend and then you dated him again. I completed elementary school in this town and would have finished high school out there as wel has my head been screwed on properly and had I made different choices. Alas, that is another topic to write about at a later date.
Anyhow, every summer, there is a festival, for the kids, for the teens, for the adults. There is sunshine, booze, hotdogs, rides, late nights and early mornings. I had always gone to these things. I always had fun. I schmoozed with everyone. Laughed, ran around, got into trouble, danced, drank, smoked, and probably barfed one or two times as well. As I grew up, I decided that small town living was not for me. Actually, I decided that THAT small town was not for me. Nobody changed out there. Nobody seemed to grow up. The same people that used to party till 5 am when they were 18 were STILL doing it. Everybody was exactly the same and I was NOT the same person they thought I was. So, I ditched out. I left.
No, I have not stepped foot in that town since I left. I have had ZERO desire to run into people I ran from. I did not want to be like the people I used to hang out with. Drugheads, alcoholics, sluts, etc. Yes, I am labeling. Yes, they need labels.
This year, however, I AM GOING. I am going to go and have a ball. I am going to be nice, I am going to chat, and I am going to forgive these people who fucked with my head and my heart and my life. I am going to reminisce about the good times and ignore the bad times. I am going to dance my little heart out and have a sleepover at my friends’ parents house. I am going to smile, I am going to pretend I am 16 again with a 25 year olds brain.
Dustin wants me to go. I have not been away from my daughter for more than 2 hours, and he said “GO. You HAVE to get out. We’ll be fine. You NEED this. You and your girls have to go out.” Fine. I’ll go. I might even have a good time……