Yesterday evening for the first time since Lillienne was born that I went out without her, or Dustin. I was only gone for an hour.

It was great. A friend and I cruised around the river chatting, and for a moment I was thinking “I havent done this in so long. And this is what we always used to do. I miss this.”

I felt sort of guilty, even though I needed this, needed fresh air and to hear my friends voice and to be lost in something other than me/the baby for longer than 5 minutes.
I dont know where the guilt came from. I knew Lillienne was fine if a bit overtired, at home with Dustin. Nothing horrible was going to happen. I just couldnt stop missing her, worrying, thinking,etc about her. I had to almost tell myself “RELAX, everything is fine.”

And it was. I relaxed. Dazed off. Had some root beer. Listened to my friend tell me about her ever busy life and enjoyed the time out of my house. When I got home, nothing had burned down, Dustin didnt have to call 911, nobody had swallowed any small pieces and my child didnt have any broken bones.